man. it seems like just 11.3 short months ago that we were here, on this very hospital floor, contemplating the birth of the newest addition to our family. probably because it was in fact just 11.3 short months ago that were here, on this very hospital floor, contemplating the birth of the newest addition to our family. so i suppose that feeling is no coincidence, now that i think about it. twenty days shy of our beloved bean's first birthday, we are so stoked to present reese mohr higgs to the world.in keeping with the 11-month-old higgs tradition of documenting peri-birth events for our family's posterity so that they don't get lost in the wind.......ash's last ob appt was six days ago, at 38 5/7 weeks. at that time, dr nunes predicted that this pregnancy wouldn't last past the weekend, and that when her water broke, look out below. at that time she was already coming up on about 100% effacement of her cervix, suggesting that there wasn't a whole lot more ripening necessary before the big day. it's tough to overstate how ashley's relationship has developed with dr nunes over the last several months. he is relatively new to U of Chicago Hospital but was hired as head of the department (or some other similar executive-type position).we of course still love dr jenkins, who delivered bean, but because of scheduling it was dr nunes who took the reigns on this pregnancy. towards the end of her pregnancy, ashley had expressed concern about her inability during our last delivery-day experience to be free to move around off of the hospital bed as contractions dictated, her inability to take a shower, etc, and how she was nervous that the generally negative experience might be repeated this time around. dr nunes, as great chief white feather of the department, assured her that there was plenty of technology in the department that would allow little chief to be monitored while ash wasn't strapped to a bed. furthermore, he noted in the chart that he was to be paged when ashley arrived so that he could show up, assist, ensure that reasonable expectations were being met, be a good doctor and source of support, etc. he was exceptionally reassuring, and helped ashley (and myself, frankly) to be a lot more calm about the big day than she otherwise might have been. (notably, dr nunes also apparently has some say in the nurse-hiring situation at this hospital and unsolicitedly offered to help ashley find her first job. he's above and beyond. we really appreciate him.)of course, life being the b*tch that it is, dr nunes personally sent ash an email two days ago saying that something had come up and that he would be out of town this weekend, back late sunday night. immediately, ashley put herself on modified bed rest with plenty of fluids in an attempt to stave off a delivery until nunes's return.early this (sunday, mother's day, 5/8/11) morning at around 2:30am, i received the following email from ashley while i was at work:"chief might not wait for dr. nunes. another child who doesn't listen to me. contractions 10 minutes apart, really short though. i am lying in bed trying to will them to stop. olivia is assisting me by lying directly on my back.
i am still hoping it's a false alarm, but i will page you if it gets worse or doesn't stop in like another hour or so. chief is swimming around."i got home at around 4am to find ash in bed, for the most part comfortable, with contractions still around 10 mins apart. it wasn't an extremely uncomfortable time for her physically, but it was a bit awkward for her since the contractions were far enough apart that she didn't really feel like she needed to be in the bathtub (where she is generally most comfortable), but close enough together to keep her from sleeping between episodes. she actually had spent some time in the tub prior to my arrival trying to pass the time and keep her mind off of things by watching 'grown ups' with adam sandler. shockingly, she was unable to finish it. apparently she had to turn it off to get her mind off of the pain of the movie and back onto more benign, relaxing things like active labor.i lay down next to her and drifted off....... at 6am i was awoken by my beautiful wife, marching in militant fashion around the bedroom. 'time to go for a walk.' i guess she was waiting for daybreak. we got dressed and took a very nice, leisurely one hour walk around the residential area near our building. a super pleasant, sunny sunday morning. ashley's contractions were starting to be more forceful but were still quite tolerable (my observation, anyway), occurring irregularly around every 5-8 minutes. as we approached our building, we passed by a starbucks, and i realized that i had a critical, life-impacting decision that i had to make right then and there...we purchased a new york times paper on the day eli was born, so naturally we needed to purchase one on chief's birth date. here we are, at 7am in front of a starbucks where i know they sell the new york times. i also know that the sunday times has a tendency to sell out early. the question i had to address was: 'is this little guy gonna show his face before midnight?' you see, they just raised the price of the sunday times to six bucks, as opposed to two bucks every other day. would i be wasting four bucks by purchasing the paper today? i would probably read the paper anyway and benefit from it in that sense, but really- what if these contractions are a false alarm, or what if he stalls and doesn't come out until tomorrow? but i don't wanna risk his birth today and then have them be sold out later on.... this was tough. it seemed like everything was on the line. i felt like my brow was getting sweaty. finally, i pulled the trigger and purchased the paper. ultimately, i feel like i kept my composure and handled myself well....back to ashley birthing our child. after returning to our place at around 7:15am, the contractions were definitely strong and frequent enough to warrant some bathtub therapy, so there ashley went. i took about a 20 min catnap. at that point, i thought it extremely likely that this labor was the real deal, but i was still was on the fence as to whether this baby would show his face before midnight. i was really hoping that i wouldn't hafta purchase another paper. her contractions continued to increase in strength and frequency; we were now around 3-5 minutes between contractions, however ash would say that they were not nearly as strong as the contractions that led to bean when they were occurring just as frequently.as all men with kids know, having a wife in active labor can be a bit awkward. you want nothing more than to help, but really outside of being nearby providing moral support, there's little that you can actually do to make life easier. so you can imagine how thrilled i was when at some point ashley said that maybe a cold washcloth would feel nice. fortunately for me, it did. for the next 20 minutes, i was the most fired up cold-water washcloth provider that chicago has seen, probably in quite in some time. then, at around 8:30, ash had a contraction that was just a bit stronger than the others. she, like i, believed that there was still quite a bit of labor to go, but suggested 'i think maybe we should go now, so that i'll be more calm when i get there and won't be so crazy" while they're trying to place IVs, assess/monitor the fetus, etc.we were bummed that dr nunes was not going to be able to be present, but found no point in dwelling on that fact because this all was totally out of our control. we were just going to bite the bullet and play our cards as they were dealt to us upon arrival to labor and delivery. all we could hope for was empathetic caregivers. despite the frequency of her contractions, i was suprised that ashley wanted to go so soon, since our ideal birth situation always involved arriving at the hospital just as the baby was ready to come out so that the issues of invasive monitoring, lying still during contractions, needle sticks, etc would never arise. also, last year with the stink, we arrived when contractions were just as frequent (and must stronger), but unfortunately ash was only 5cm dilated and it took hours to birth. at this point, her water had not yet even broken. but when one's wife is in labor, debating one of her ideas just strikes me as a bad idea. we both gathered a few things, caught one last glimpse of the little stink as an only child, left her with ash's mom (who thankfully had arrived for a visit one day prior), and off we went.bean's last photo as an only child.ash had two "real" contractions, of the kind that i really remember, on the walk down to the car from our apartment door. i started to think this might be more imminent than i'd believed, but again was comforted by bean's story from last year and how long the labor lasted. two minutes into our 10 minute drive, ashley had one of those contractions that i think might actually have made the guy in the lane next to us look over to see where that noise was coming from-- she looked at me in *exactly* the same way that she did last year at the end of her labor and said 'the baby's coming.' i believed her, and immediately felt a peaceful calm that i had in fact made the right decision with the newspaper. a smile came across my face as i patted myself on the back for thinking quickly 90 minutes prior when it really mattered most and a lot was on the line. then i snapped out of it and felt my foot go a little heavier on the gas pedal. i didn't end up running any red lights, but the palpable sense of urgency did lead me to roll speedily through several stop signs until we finally got to the hospital just after 8:50am.ash had another very significant contraction outside of the car and again reiterated with even a bit more vigor that the baby was coming. another quick silent self-props for the newspaper decision and then immediately i became concerned that she might actually deliver before we could get to labor and delivery. we walked as fast as we could to the hospital entrance, put her in a wheelchair and rushed (sorta ran) to the delivery ward. as we entered, the face of the lady working front desk at L&D went from pleasant smile to legitimate consternation as ash looked her in the eyes and said very calmly, 'it's about to get crazy in here.' the lady stat overheaded the delivery team to the triage room, where it was all we could do to get her clothes off.another contraction, and the well-known rush of amniotic fluid hit the floor. fortunately, it was perfectly clear. that was the first time that i knew with 100% certainty that i would not in fact need to buy a newspaper tomorrow. i was relieved. 'he's coming!' ashley said again. she somehow got onto the bed and i was able to catch a glimpse of what looked to me to be a tuft of chief's dark loaf. big nurse juanita showed up completely outta nowhere, threw on some sterile gloves and yelled 'the head is right here!' she also told ashley very calmly 'you can push if you feel the need sweety- you're having this baby.' dr marsh, a 2nd-year ob/gyn resident, happened to run in, grabbed chief's little head, ash pushed two or three times, and at 8:56am, before they could even so much as check us in, we had a beautiful, pink, alert, strong-lunged, 7 pound 9 ounce little stink junior. healthy baby, healthy mom, no lacerations/tears. suddenly, just like that, we had two kids. thank the baby jesus that there was no traffic or this story would've gone much differently.
i'm not sure we could possibly have written a more perfect birth story for the two of us: short (8hr) labor; very few (as few as five or seven) really difficult contractions; immediate, uncomplicated delivery without so much as securing IV access; good lookin healthy baby; good latch on first breast feeding attempt; meconium passed at 8 hours of life (an exceptionally impressive effort; ash named it la brea); and, lest we forget, only one newspaper purchased and secured in a timely manner directly in the face of significant pressure.
mom, dad, and reese.
we went with reese mohr for a couple of reasons. reese is a name found at least twice in my family tree. the original welsh spelling is 'rhys,' which is very cool, but in the end we opted to americanize it somewhat. mohr is ashley's swiss maternal grandmother's maiden name, and ashley's middle name. additionally, we really like the sound of reese mohr. he looks like stinky did when she was born with perhaps more of a whiff of rahmanian accent, most notable with his eyes closed and his brow furrowed. very handsome, of course.
------------------a side comment and recommendation, if i may, to all the moms-to-be regarding hydration. we decided that ash may have had such a more difficult labor on her first go for a couple of reasons. (1), it was her first go, which is notoriously more prolonged. also, however, we feel that (2) dehydration played a very important role. over the past several weeks, ash has dealt with the almost constant need to pee in order to stay as hydrated as possible in anticipation of her labor. she was very disciplined in her regimen of 8 glasses of water daily; i'm convinced that this made her contractions easier and her stamina improved. i would submit humbly that pregnant friends challenge themselves in a similar manner.............-----------------...i am so proud and grateful to my brave and generally amazing wife for housing and birthing our undoubtedly awesome next generation. it will be so interesting/fun/challenging/tiring/rewarding to have two small kids at home at the same time. bean just had her first chief encounter in the hospital. it was the first time i ever thought she looked like a giant. she was appropriately curious and interested-- also mixed with confusion because she'd never before seen a hairless cat that didn't run away when she touched it. of course, like all parents, we can only hope that over the years they will contribute to each other's development so that they may come as close as possible to reaching their seemingly vast potential. now that we feel comfortable that procreation is a thing of the past (we have vowed to use more definitive birth control), we can't wait to devote our focus entirely on growing and maturing as a family, and look forward to the challenges and successes that the years to come will undoubtedly bring. i really love us.
david wrote this blog a couple of days ago and after reading it, i was like, well...that actually pretty much sums it all up. initially i wasn't going to add anything, but i know in the future we'll appreciate also having my take. rather than sort of jumping in between his thoughts as i usually do, i'll try and follow the same trajectory below from my own perspective:
i awoke sunday morning at 12:54am with a contraction that, while not incredibly notable, was somehow different than those that had been waking me for probably a few weeks. i got up to pee for the 18th time that hour, and our cat, olivia, who is also my best friend, settled herself on my back as i returned to bed. animals know when something's up--she never sleeps with us in bed, but for a week or so she had been sleeping directly on top of my belly. not ideal in terms of the general lack of space and comfort in our bed at the end of pregnancy, but i appreciated the gesture.
anyway, a couple more of those contractions and i decided to give david a head's up, not because i was particularly concerned, but because he was working overnight and i imagined we had a very long several hours-days ahead of us. recalling bean's labor, wherein i successfully slept on and off through the first 8 hours or so, i figured we might both benefit from trying to get some rest.
unfortunately, as he noted, the contractions were just close enough together that i couldn't quite fall back asleep between them, although they were obviously mild enough for me to lie in bed without really moving around too much. over the next couple hours, they had even slowed to about every 15 minutes. had it been the middle of the day, i would have probably tried to just get things moving right when he got home, but given the odd hour and the weird people i could hear yelling on the street outside our building, i decided to wait it out, at the back of my mind also still hoping it would stop altogether or at least slow enough to wait for dr. nunes' return to chicago that evening.
however, at 6 am i was antsy and ready to move around. the second i stood up out of bed, i swear the contractions almost doubled in frequency, though still were not terribly uncomfortable. while i had been starving before, all i could force down before our walk was a delicious, ice cold glass of chocolate milk, my favorite food. after that breakfast of champions, we set out on our way. this short walk was one i'd discovered only a day or two earlier while on an adventure with bean. while only steps from our house and running parallel to the state st. circus, the street is quiet and residential with (finally) lots of blooming trees. it bisects a couple of little parks, where i knew people would be walking their dogs, and dogs make me happy.
bean and i in the park a few days ago
me in the same park, 2 hours before chief is born.
as we left the building, david asked if i felt prepared for labor, noting that neither of us had really brushed up on our skills. i told him i really wasn't, but was hoping that given how recently bean was born, everything would just work itself out. we had a lovely sunday morning stroll, discussing his shift the night before, petting some dogs, and having an extended deliberation on whether or not to purchase the sunday times. given the relaxed mood and the irregularity and brevity of the contractions, i don't think either of us were concerned. however, i was beginning to draw attention in public, so we decided to go home.
we were greeted by a fat, smiley little bean who had just woken up and was dutifully cleaning off our ottoman/coffee table. after some hugs and kisses, i got into the bath, where i assumed i'd stay for the next several hours. bean came to visit me there and inquire as to what the hell her mom was doing in the bathtub without her, which hasn't occurred since she was probably 6 months old. after that, bean went to play with nani and dad went to take a nap. since my water hadn't broken, i had the luxury of sitting in a stopped tub. during my contractions, i poured hot water on myself as well. however, they still seemed to me to be short, not very difficult, and kind of far apart.
at the back of my mind was the advice of dr. nunes to labor at home as long possible, but to come in after an hour or so of hard labor every 5 minutes. certainly we weren't there. in fact, almost every other contraction was really short and not difficult at all. i recalled this is sometimes a sign of an ineffective labor pattern, like when the baby is stuck up in the pelvis. i tried to ignore that. i started to get bored, actually, so i made david get out of bed so i could at least have some company.
a few months before, david had asked me to try and describe what labor feels like. while i still hesitate to refer to it as painful, because it's so unlike any other kind of pain, i described it as all consuming, like every bone in your body is being crushed by a huge vice (at its worst, obviously). one of my arguments against analgesia during labor is that people don't generally die of pain, it's a question of overcoming it mentally. at the height of my labor with bean, i really began to believe i might die, like my body would just be exhausted to death.
given that was my only experience with labor, i assumed i'd get there again...while i hoped that the continued assertion that subsequent labors are "easier and faster," it's impossible to know what that means...faster, like 30 hours instead of 35? easier, like the worst part of labor is shorter? it's so individual there's really no answer to those questions. the only reason this labor was bothering me or making me anxious at all was because i thought i knew what must be coming. that's mostly what prompted me to suggest we head to the hospital, anticipating extensive negotiation and deliberation regarding every tiny detail of my admission. i had a legitimate few minutes of panic about returning to the hospital, especially knowing dr. nunes wouldn't be there to advocate for me with the kind of authority you apparently need around there.
while i can see how david has felt sort of awkward during both labors, wishing he could do more, i think women tend to get a little more panicky as delivery gets closer, whether or not they realize that's the reason. thus, it's very helpful to have someone there who can do things that seem ridiculous, but are absolutely necessary, like reminding you to breathe, and saying matter of factly exactly what steps need to be taken to get to the hospital, park the car, check in, etc. plus, that cold washcloth was awesome.
in any event, i had been sitting for about an hour at that point, and when i stood up i suddenly had a new appreciation for the proximity of chief's head to the rest of the world. we dressed quickly, gave big hugs and kisses to bean, and briskly made our way to the car. i had a tougher contraction or two, again, not so much painful, but just more urgent. however, when we got in the car i told david there was no need to speed, and was enjoying the cool breeze through my wet washcloth. one contraction later though, i was 85% certain we were not going to make it to the hospital in time, despite the total lack of traffic.
the rest, as david described, happened very fast...like, in 5 minutes. given chief was still happily swimming around in there and neither of us seemed any worse for wear, this is truly the way to do it. there was no opportunity for any disagreement or dislike to arise with the hospital staff...we all had no choice but to get on the same page very quickly. i enjoyed my one minute of quiet with david and juanita before approximately 17 people rushed into the room and got up in my grill, but fortunately, i was so singularly focused on the task i didn't care about anything but getting the damn baby out, and i think everyone felt similarly. as with bean, i didn't have much to do with this part...my body just did whatever it wanted to do.
once chief was out, i got a little rough handling when there was some concern about the amount of blood loss...it's hard to believe, but even when you just squeezed a baby out, once those labor hormones are gone, it's again rather uncomfortable to have people rooting around in your uterus with various tools. given that i was in a hospital, i suppose it's impossible to avoid some medical management...and to be fair, they were very apologetic, explaining they were unaccustomed to dealing with women who could feel anything below the navel. they kept offering me dilaudid, an opioid narcotic 10x stronger than morphine. i smiled and explained that drugs freak me out a little bit (obviously), if they could just take a minute to tell me what they were about to do before doing it so i could be prepared, we'd be fine. they dutifully obliged.
all in all, as david described, we couldn't have hoped for a better situation or outcome. we made it to the hospital just in time to have the baby in a more sterile environment than our car or apartment, but without any time to piss anyone off. it was hard to believe we were at the same hospital...everyone was excited and smiling and congratulatory once mom and baby were assuredly healthy. they marveled and commented how they wished for similar labors themselves. once chief was sent off to the nursery, they calmly placed an iv (one attempt), we answered all of their questions, and completed admission. much easier to accomplish when not in active labor.
labor karma does appear to come back around...this birth experience could not have been more opposite than bean's, and in the best possible way. for as much as i suffered being pregnant for almost 2 straight years, my body also seems to have responded to the delivery better this time...i don't for example have the sensation that my entire bony pelvis was pulverized and transposed to the outside of my body. also, peeing is not a 45 minute ordeal involving a full shower, a bottle of topical anesthetic, and many (any) tears. it's pretty sweet.
a note here on three-part hydrotherapy. as david mentioned, we both suspected that my relative dehydration during my previous labor certainly didn't make things easier, so my final month of pregnancy i attempted to hydrate very well...it's unfortunately a daunting commitment because it makes you relatively homebound and unable to sleep very well, having to pee literally every 5 minutes. i actually wasn't doing incredibly well with my self-challenge until the last week and a half, where i developed a crippling muscle cramp in my right thigh that was so severe i almost dropped bean several times and made her cry. to prevent her traumatization, i really amped it up and basically had a current flow of liquid going from mouth to toilet. i do think that played a significant role in the smoothness of this labor.
second, while i didn't go back and review all my labor techniques, the big take home messages from my time as a doula, our bradley class, and my training with midwives is this: walk until you can't anymore, and then get in the tub/shower. this is what i did for both labors, and in both cases, walking really sped things up, while being submerged or having running water is incredibly therapeutic, reducing pain and allowing you to relax, which lets labor progress more quickly.
third, postpartum hydration. drinking a sh*t ton of water after giving birth will make life much easier in several ways, and bonus, without a watermelon sitting on your bladder, it's not such a lifestyle commitment. really downing the water after chief was born helped me increase my blood volume and not pass out, dilutes urine so it doesn't burn like hell coming out, and helps ensure a rapid production of breast milk. every nurse has commented on how they've never before seen a breastfed baby who urinates as much as this one, because usually moms just aren't producing the fluid at this point.
so, pregnant friends, drink more water than you thought possible!
a note on the name reese mohr higgs. the first weekend after david and i started dating, we discussed baby names. i guess when you know where things are going, you just know. in that brief conversation, we streamlined our female selections (i.e., i shot down all of his, he shot down a couple of mine, and we landed on eliana as an early frontrunner). however, neither of us had any boy names we were really fond of, as i'd already used benjamin for my cat. fast forward three months, when david and i went to visit his family in upstate new york. avid family treers, uncle dave and aunt barb were showing us the higgs family tree, sprinkled liberally with reeses (rhyses). i commented that i liked that name. david concurred. and thus, our only male baby name was selected. shortly before his birth, i looked up the meaning of reese, which is ardor/enthusiasm. i smiled at the irony, as this will serve as a reminder of his constant acrobatics in utero...enthusiastic indeed, especially nocturnally. and mohr, of course, is a shout out to my side of the fam. thus, we feel we've achieved the goal with both our kids of giving them unique but pronounceable names that have a lot of personal meaning.
of course, having had a baby such a short time ago, the experience is in many ways easier mentally as well as physically. i don't think we were ever overly anxious parents, but we're so used to little beans, this hospital stay has been more like a romantic getaway than a weird and intimidating emotional transition to parenthood. we're totally accustomed to overall lack of sleep and bizarre sleep schedules, we're not concerned about what to do if the baby is crying, i'm not up all night checking his respiratory and pulse rates, and we have been blessed with another pretty docile bean (so far) who eats, pees, poops and sleeps how you'd expect.
sushi + playoffs
some early differences include a more typical tendency toward spitting up (bean probably only did this twice in her life), and neither of us are in any way proficient yet at diapering a newly circumcised male. we giggled this morning when he peed directly into his eyeball; he was significantly less amused. but in general, we're very comfortable letting him adjust to life outside the womb as he sees fit, with lots of kisses, of course. we're enjoying the relative peace and quiet, and have had a nice time ordering our favorite carry out and watching movies, reading, etc, before we return home and face the reality of being parents of two.
of course, the return home will be an adjustment for everyone...no matter how many times i sang stevie nick's "landslide" to stink in the last two weeks, i don't think she gets it yet that things are about to really change, since she hasn't seen chief on her home turf. i imagine there will be plenty of times where their sleep schedules are just offset enough that i actually don't sleep at all, or where both of them will have a need they feel should be met immediately at exactly the same time as each other. breastfeeding is such a time consuming task with limited mobility, i know it will make bean impatient. yes, there will be a definite period of all of us getting used to the new addition, but hopefully it will be as smooth and painless as possible...
ironically, before seeing david had already named this blog, i intended to call it "no mohr higgses" to really drive the point home on how we feel about future procreation. i cannot adequately express the relief felt upon being done with two years of pregnancy, the aches, pains, discomfort, constant peeing, restrictions, limitations, exhaustion, blablabla. for weeks i've been looking forward to knowing that what turned out to be a huge chunk of my life is officially over. sharing your body with another living being is very difficult mentally and physically, especially when you literally have no break in between. can't wait to get home and celebrate with an ice cold negra modelo, placed lovingly in our fridge a couple days ago in anticipation.
as i noted in my last blog, these past two years have been a total whirlwind of activity and it's been both fun and challenging to keep our heads above water. the birth of reese really feels like a wonderful, simultaneous end and beginning. after many months of growing and raising babies, studying, working, getting degrees, things are starting to feel more permanent. many of the big life questions for us have been answered with two happy, healthy children. while we have much transition still to come over the next couple of years, we have officially and beautifully completed our family unit. it feels satisfying and full and right, and we are much anticipating taking these next steps forward as a foursome and watching our life unfold.
stay tuned...........
